Not happy

Sometimes I think, happiness is not for me. Only Wednesday I wanted to write that I am starting to see the appeal in the concept of rest days. Turns out, I don't. Rest days are the worst and I spent most of today in bed trying to get it together. Just an hour ago I got around to finally doing at least something productive with this day, but I think that emotionally I am more on the fragile side still. At the point where I want to smash it all so I can stop being afraid about fucking it up. How ironic.