Dienstag, April 26, 2011

walking home

You know, it might not be a bad thing, that I'm walking home alone tonight. - How come? Are you fed up with people now? After you managed two weeks of togetherness? - It's just that... I feel that I need to think things through. - What things? - I cannot talk about them right now. I have to debate them with myself at first... I don't even know what to say at this point. - Is this about this falling in love thing? Do you need to figure that out? - Oh, about that... I think I will never really figure that out. And I really don't need to figure it out now. I'm in the good place. It's not like my heart beats faster when I see you... ok, I'm lying here, it does beat faster. But not in a creepy kind of way. I try to catch myself early. I'm not acting on it. Because I'm in the happy place, the point where I just hope, that you are happy, because it would be a shame if you weren't. - ... - Alright, that was a little bit too much, I get it. It's just that you are this person that makes me feel really good. And I want to keep you, I want to not weird you out. So there is no thinking about the falling in love thing. Nothing's gonna change that any time soon.

So what will you be thinking about then on your walk home? - About what we discussed today: Commitment, promises, guarantees, marriage... that kind of things. - You're still thinking about it? I thought, your mind was made up: No promises, no guarantees. - It sounds harsh, when you say it like that. And that's not what I meant. - Well, what did you mean then? You want to commit, but you can't promise that you won't fall in love with other people and you can't even promise to not act on these feelings, so what kind of promises can you make? - Not a lot obviously. But when I love, then this is unconditional. It's not 'I love you as long as you love me back' or 'I love you as long as you're young and beautiful' or 'as long as you're healthy' or 'until I meet someone better', it's not like that. When I love someone and I want to commit to them, then I'm saying 'You are this person. When I'm with you, I'm good. You make these things happen inside of me. And I like that feeling. I always want to feel that way. I always want to feel that way with you. And if there comes a point where this is starting to slip away, I will do everything I can to keep that feeling. I will fight for it. Because I want to love you. I'm not just doing it.' That's the promise I can make. And if that's not enough, I don't know what would be.

That's it for now. That's what this night held in store for me. There's enough love for each and every one of us out there.

How about the trip? It's all here.

Montag, April 18, 2011

things to come

I've been decidedly silent for a while now. I am currently in Glasgow, tomorrow off to Edinburgh and then to Bangor again. but my travel journal will go online when I'm back. So be patient, guys - there's hot stuff coming up. Emotional turmoil, new cities, sheer happiness - I am not exaggerating here!

Sonntag, April 03, 2011

haven't found...

Man weiß nie, dass man verloren geht, bis man verloren ist. Besuch ist ne schwierige Kiste. Und schöne Frauen treffen eine noch schwierigere. Ich denke mir hier so „Dann eben nicht bereit, aber gucken darf man ja“. Und plötzlich, ohne dass mans gewollt oder auch nur geahnt hat, ist der Hals wieder über dem Kopf. Heute Chorkonzert. Die Lieder alle viel besser, als noch in den Proben, die Kleider alle viel kürzer als abends zum tanzen. Und ich ganz „After Party, After Party!“, aber nein. Nur Paddy’s und Yellow Pub und nichtsnichtsnichts.

Ohmygod what’s happening?!