Freitag, Dezember 30, 2011

Time to clean up

I have the unsettling feeling that I am not at all done with this year yet. Still tomorrow will be the last day of 2011. I am on the brink of staying home in Leipzig. But I know I shouldn't. I think my sanity is strained enough as it is. So, what is it with this year? It seems to be pushing me around all the time. I am not afraid to say it was one of the best years, yet I am sure I'm gonna pay for it with more than just my soul. And on the top of all the intensity I want to throw it all to the wind now. I want to give up - months too late -, not because I am unhappy, just to get it over with. To clean up for the new year. It won't be that easy though. I will take every single bit of this mess with me, I will push on with nothing than the vague idea of being rechargeable. This world and its concepts of time and space will wear me out and I will throw myself to the dogs again and again, I will struggle with fate, I will triumph over the apathy of this world. I will lie awake night after night going to war with myself. There is no way of brushing this aside and clean up to give the new year a fresh start.

2012. So what if the apocalypse would strike in december? What would we want to do this last year?
Maybe it is more than ever the invitation to live for today rather than for tomorrow. So that's it. 2012 will be a year of 366 todays. No tomorrow. Not ever again.

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